The big day is finally here. You’ve spent months planning and preparing, and perhaps a wedding planner has helped everything run smoothly. Even so, it’s natural to feel nervous, with extra adrenaline pumping around your body. Under pressure, the nervous system can become charged, causing a build-up of tension in the stomach, often called butterflies or stage fright.
But you aren’t performing for strangers. You’re holding a sacred ceremony in front of the people you cherish, and who cherish you too. Whether you’ve invited 10 guests or 200, they all want to see you relaxed and enjoying your special day.
Even after years of experience, most actors and entertainers still feel stage fright before a big show. Some people are naturally more comfortable in front of an audience, whether through personality or experience, and it’s not unusual to find being the centre of attention a challenge. Many well-known actors are quite shy off stage. They’ve simply learned techniques to manage adrenaline and nerves, and you can too.
Here are five techniques I often use:
1. Visualisation
I once attended a talk on the power of imagination. When the presenter asked who used their imagination to the full each day, very few hands went up. When she asked who ever worried about things, the whole room raised their hands. Worrying, she explained, is imagination at work.
Instead, imagine yourselves relaxed, calm and enjoying the day together. Your family and friends are there for one reason: to celebrate you and see you happy. Be kind to yourself, and don’t use your imagination to create worry, just for today.
2. Breathing
Check in with yourself and notice where you’re holding tension. Try to soften that area, especially your shoulders. Breathe in gently through your nose for about five seconds, filling your belly. Hold for five seconds, then breathe out slowly through your mouth for five. Repeat a few times. Breathing consciously brings you back to the present moment.
3. Positive self-talk
Give yourself permission to shine. Tell yourself what you value and cherish, for example: “I am loved and accepted just as I am, and I am surrounded by love and support.”
4. Mindfulness
Simply observe what you’re feeling in your body without reacting to it. Keep your focus on the present moment and your breath. Alternatively, focus on something natural, such as a cloud, a tree or even your hand, and observe it fully.
Observing thoughts without judging them creates space between you and them. Thoughts can ripple outwards like rings from a stone thrown into a lake: A happens, but then B could happen, and if B happened then surely C would follow. Returning to the present moment brings you back to the centre of the ripple, rather than letting your thoughts catastrophise. I like the acronym for fear: False Evidence Appearing Real.
5. Talk to a calm person
You’ll probably have a bridesmaid and best man to support you. If you tend to feel anxious, consider asking someone with a calm, soothing nature to stay close on the day.
Many of my clients have told me that having my magic and friendly presence at their wedding helped them relax. They felt less pressure knowing it wasn’t their job to entertain everyone, and when they looked over to where the laughter and gasps of astonishment were coming from, there I was, seamlessly delighting their guests.